Old red eyes is back

The World’s End

Starring Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Martin Freeman, Rosamund Pike; directed by Edgar Wright

Movies are like a box of chocolates…

Lee Daniels’ The Butler

Starring Forest Whitaker, Oprah Winfrey, David Oyelowo, Cuba Gooding Jr., Lenny Kravitz; directed by Lee Daniels

Metaphorical movie myopia

Before entering a showing of the film Elysium, movie patrons are asked to secure Elysium Cinematic Health Care Insurance Policy. The terms and conditions of such policy are provided below. Anyone entering Elysium without securing such film insurance is still universally eligible to watch the film; however, such patron thereby waives any claims related to such viewing and any warnings and disclosures provided by this film insurance policy.

Killer docs


Statement of Critic Man

On the films The Act of Killing and Blackfish

A streetcar named Woody

Woody Allen and some actors are sitting down for a table read of his script outline for his new film. It’s still being formed, but he has decided to give what he has so far a trial run and call it Blue Jasmine. The potential cast, who are all sitting around a large conference table, include Cate Blanchett, Alec Baldwin, Sally Hawkins, Andrew Dice Clay, Bobby Cannavale, Louis C.K., Michael Stuhlbarg, Peter Sarsgaard, and a number of typically Woody-esque character actors with wonderfully unique faces.

Recalling summer 2013

The group HOLLOW Speak (which stands for Hollywood Only Listens and Learns Once We Speak) is circulating the following petition hoping to recall from theaters a number of massively expensive 2013 summer Hollywood blockbusters (movies that cost between $150 million and a $bazillion to make and market) that have failed to live up to their cinematic obligations. Although these movies lost at the box office, we are not confident that Hollywood will get the message and provide intelligent, more diverse summer output.

Tranzilla (or Godformer)

Pacific Rim

Starring Charlie Hunnam, Idris Elba, Rinko Rikuchi; directed by Guillermo del Toro

Look! Smashing through the city! It looks like some kind of giant, lumbering lizard! It’s… it’s Godzilla! He’s back and chomping on buildings, crushing cars and hurling buses! And he can’t be killed with military weapons! Run away!

Arrr, matey…hi-ho stinker, away!

The Lone Ranger

Starring Johnny Depp, Armie Hammer, Helena Bonham Carter, Tom Wilkinson, William Fichtner, Ruth Wilson; directed by Gore Verbinski

Open on a young boy in cowboy attire eating from a bag of peanuts while wandering Cheyenne Frontier Days. Intrigued by a Wild West exhibit complete with a buffalo image on the entrance tent, he goes in and finds a large room with a creaky wooden floor and exhibits lining the walls. Amazingly, he is alone as he wanders around looking at each life-sized diorama.

Monster bash, zombie dash

World War Z

Starring Brad Pitt, Mireille Enos, Daniella Kertesz, Fana Mokoena, David Morse; directed by Marc Forster

Monsters University

Starring the voices of Billy Crystal, John Goodman, Steve Buscemi, Helen Mirren; directed by Dan Scanlon

Critic-Man of Steel

Man of Steel

Starring Henry Cavill, Michael Shannon, Russell Crowe, Amy Adams, Kevin Costner, Diane Lane; directed by Zack Snyder

Below are pages from an insanely popular comic book that features the return of the highly popular superhero Critic-Man in the story where he was defeated by a high-grossing cinematic superhero.