You have the right to remain un-amused ...

The Other Guys
 
Starring Will Ferrell, Mark Wahlberg, Michael Keaton, Samuel L. Jackson, Dwayne Johnson
Directed by Adam McKay

Cinematic Incident Report Form
(Incidents involving film critics, cinema employees, movie patrons)

This is a public report and should be made a part of a movie’s critical record. It is completed to provide moviegoers critical advice and counsel and for the protection of Politi-Flix and its employees from potential liability for harms when viewing films.


*******PLEASE PRINT LEGIBLY********

REPORTING PARTY INFORMATION:

First Name: Critic Man
Home Address: The Theater
Job Title: Film Critic

Home phone: None (uses pen and paper)
Gender: Male
Supervisor: The Public, and, uh, his Editor


INFORMATION ABOUT THE INCIDENT:

Date of Incident: 8/06/2010
Time: 7:00 pm
Case#: The Other Guys
Location of Incident: Multiplex
Describe what happened, how it happened, factors leading to the event, any unsafe conditions, substances or objects involved. Be as specific as possible:
 
Well, it was like this: Critic Man, who is required to see movies for The Statesman newspaper, was assigned to review a buddy cop comedy called The Other Guys. As a service to his readers, he tries to get to as many movies as possible, even if they are dangerous to his mental health and well-being. To help him through these assignments, he secures his usual popcorn and soda and finds a seat near the aisle, which he did on this occasion. The theater was packed with people ready to be assaulted with goofy, silly humor from the likes of Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg, and by the people who brought us Anchorman and Talladega Nights. As the lights were dimmed and the movie began, Critic Man (the injured party) became unnerved and got a queasy feeling in the pit of his stomach (maybe it was the popcorn?). He was expecting something along the lines of the Naked Gun movies, which were full of wall-to-wall silly gags and also spoofed police squad rooms and buddy cops. Instead, he was subjected to the punishment of repetitive and unfunny scenes involving Wahlberg’s cop character constantly berating, at the top of his lungs, his partner Will Ferrell, an over-exaggerated wimpy dweeb who revels in filing out police reports and relishes annoying everyone around him including the audience. Critic Man was subjected to this inhuman, intellectually insufferable inanity for nearly two hours. And, if that were not enough, all of the so-called action sequences were choppy, unintelligible and clumsy. But the real crime was the film’s feeble and botched attempt to call attention to — and deride — the crimes of corporate bigwigs. This subplot, involving something about raiding the state lottery or pension funds or some such by a British speaking investor of some kind who was being chased and shaken-down for some money he owed some other corporation or something, was needlessly complex and convoluted, and, especially criminally, got serious and preachy at times which shattered the mood of silliness. All of Critic Man’s delicate senses were assaulted by this cinematic chicanery. Instead of playing all of this for cheap gags like The Naked Gun, it played as gag inducing.
 
Were there any witnesses to the incident (if so, attach a separate sheet with names and contact info): Yes, but although the theater was filled with witnesses, none of them provided their information as they did not want it known that they actually attended this cinematic infraction.
 
Will the injured party miss time from work as a result of this incident? No, but he will be gun-shy about seeing more comedies like The Other Guys.
 
Was the individual injured? If so, describe the injury, the part of the body injured and any other information known about the resulting injury(s): Critic Man’s eyes were burning, his ears were ringing, and his mind was reeling; his funny bone, however, was left unscathed.

ACTION?TAKEN:
•Unsafe viewing conditions to be corrected.
•Instruct moviegoers about risks.
•Seek more witty or silly comedic entertainment.
•No action is required, simply noted.

Doug Young is the film critic for The Statesman.